Good thing: I got half birthday froyo and drove myself and my froyo to the temple and ate it and read scriptures and thought about things because today has been a rough day. Heck it's been a rough week if I'm being honest. Bad thing: Missing Vince has hit me really really hard tonight. Sometimes I really don't understand why things went the way they did and I still wish that things hadn't ended at all and we were still together. It's pointless to wonder about 'what if's' because they aren't realities but I keep thinking of how things were going to be when everything was going according to plan. If everything had worked out and things hadn't gotten so messed up then Vince would be here with me right now. There's a good chance we'd be engaged and if we weren't yet we would be soon. We'd be looking at apartments to live in and I'd be thinking about wedding colors and wedding dresses and I'd be really really happy. But instead I'm just sad and I'm crying in my room typing this out and relentlessly wishing for something that doesn't exist. Everything hurts all over again and I wish it didn't and I'm tired of hurting but then I think about how much he must be hurting and it makes me cry even harder. I loved him- I still do. And I hurt him so much and I want to take it back but I know I can't. I want to text him and tell him that I'm so sorry and that I miss him and that I love him and that I just want him back. I just want to feel his arms around me again and hear him laugh and I want to kiss his forehead and I want to hear him tell me that he loves me. But instead I'm trying to choke back sobs so that my roommates don't hear me cry and I still have so much calculus homework and I don't know what I'm doing and I just want to not be so sad.
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