12/22/17

I officially moved back home today. It's kind of strange to think about not going back to my apartment once the break is over and not starting a second semester at BYU like I'd planned. It's crazy to think that four months from now I will be nineteen and maybe even being dropped off at the M.T.C. And then I'll live in this entirely different place for a year and a half.

Adam, Abbey, Rachel, Megan and I all played Heads Up today. It was actually really nice and it made me kind of excited to be able to spend more time with them before I leave. Even though my room is outrageously small now (and shared with an elliptical and two fake trees), I'm happy to be with my family. It is bittersweet though, cause now I'll miss my college family.

12/21/17

Today I officially packed up my dorm room. It's really bittersweet because I know that moving out is the right thing for me. But boy oh boy am I going to miss my girls. Kailey with her mama bear attitude and Melissa always studying in the closet and Megan with her sassy comments and Izzy being my soul sister and Eliza whose half of the room was just as messy as my half and who has probably watched every Hallmark movie ever made. They have become some of my very best friends and I am so lucky to have met them all.

12/19/17

I'm not going to lie, this semester has been a downward spiral. I am getting D's and C's in over half my classes and I haven't gotten above a C+ on any of the tests I've taken. It's okay though, because sometimes things go wrong and not at all how you had planned and you just have to take it in stride.

I feel as if I am teetering along the lines of blaming my mental illness versus blaming myself versus blaming the side effects of my medications. It's hard to see where my depression ends and where I begin. I think, aside from financial reasons, that is one of the main reasons that I am taking off this semester before my mission. I need some time off to focus on fixing myself and that is okay.

Basically a lot of things have gone off track from how I had planned my life to go. I think that happens to everyone and I just want to remind everyone that it is 100% okay to change your plans, even if it feels like it may be halting your progress to getting where you want to go. Take care of yourself first and foremost, and then you will be in a position where you can take care of everything else.

Good news though: your girl finished all her finals! She didn't do so hot on all of them but she did her best with what she had and that is good enough for now.

12/18/17

I had to take a final today in a class whose midterm test I bombed. I got a 60% on it so that sucked. And then I ordered chicken nuggets but the girl put in a chicken sandwich and by the time I sat down to eat I had walked to an entirely different building. So I'm already not feeling great and then this stupid sandwich has pickles on it and I can't stand pickles and so I start crying on this random bench in the Kennedy Center. I guess I'm saying this because I think it's important to share the crappy things too. It's important to recognize that everybody goes through crap one way or another and it's okay to cry over pickles in a sandwich that was supposed to be chicken nuggets.

12/16/17

On the verge of flipping off every person who even makes eye contact with me. But I don't flip people off because I try to be a good person and I just need to go to the temple.

Finals are the absolute worst. And I haven't even taken one yet.

12/14/17

Last day of classes! It would be more exciting if it didn't mean that the impending doom of finals is now upon us.

Cats fitting themselves into tiny spaces are one of my reasons for living.

12/13/17

Today I was eating lunch in the Wilk and a group of girls complimented my hair and embroidered pants and shoes and told me they loved my style. It was actually one of the sweetest things ever and made me so happy and tbh I can't stop thinking about it.

I also went over to my friend Jacob's apartment today so that we could work on a group Bio project and he and his roommate Andrew found out that my alarm in the mornings is labeled "wake up you sexy thang." So the cat's out of the bag on that now.