12/30/17

My fam-bam brought me french fries today which was very nice,

12/29/17

A haiku:

Boys are very dumb
Boys are incredibly dumb
Boys are super dumb

12/27/17

I helped Spencer give his new puppy a bath. Plus I saw Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle with his family cause they had an extra ticket. The movie was amazing by the way, in case you were wondering. High end comedy right there.

12/26/17

Today I had to pee in a cup, get my finger pricked for a blood cell count, and get a shot testing for TB alongside other doctor things. It was sort of a train wreck because we forgot to bring the papers they needed for my mission physical and apparently I hadn't filled out everything I had needed too. It worked out though and here's to hoping that I don't have tuberculosis. (Results will be in on the 28th)

I also saw The Last Jedi today and it was pretty hecka good. I kind of regret not hopping onto the Star Wars bandwagon back when I was younger and my dad tried his hardest to convince me they were the best movies ever. 

12/24/17

We hosted a dinner for my moms side tonight and that proved to be very stressful because we had to prepare the whole house and set up extra tables plus make rolls and a ham and a dessert and set up appetizers. There was more yelling then I think there should be on Christmas Eve. But at least I got new pajamas.

We have a new mini tree this year and my mother hung up these little frame ornaments that she intended to fill with pictures of us. That ended up not happening and so Adam, being funny as he is, printed out a bunch of different pictures of Nicolas Cage and put them into the frames. I have to say, I think I like it better that way.

12/23/17

Every year on December 23rd the Britsch side of my family meets up at Ama and Grandpas house and we have a dinner and then sing songs and it's honestly one of my favorite Christmas traditions. This year Nat's two kids Liam and Lucas came and I haven't been able to get them to talk to me because they're both real shy but tonigt Liz and I got them to play with us and open up. They are seriously the cutest kids ever and I am so thankful that I got to spend time with them before my mission.

Basically I'm thankful for lots of things today. Family mostly. I got to arrive early and help Ama set up. I got to bond with my cousins and their kids and I got to paint my sisters nails. Christmas really helps put things in perspective if you ask me.

12/22/17

I officially moved back home today. It's kind of strange to think about not going back to my apartment once the break is over and not starting a second semester at BYU like I'd planned. It's crazy to think that four months from now I will be nineteen and maybe even being dropped off at the M.T.C. And then I'll live in this entirely different place for a year and a half.

Adam, Abbey, Rachel, Megan and I all played Heads Up today. It was actually really nice and it made me kind of excited to be able to spend more time with them before I leave. Even though my room is outrageously small now (and shared with an elliptical and two fake trees), I'm happy to be with my family. It is bittersweet though, cause now I'll miss my college family.

12/21/17

Today I officially packed up my dorm room. It's really bittersweet because I know that moving out is the right thing for me. But boy oh boy am I going to miss my girls. Kailey with her mama bear attitude and Melissa always studying in the closet and Megan with her sassy comments and Izzy being my soul sister and Eliza whose half of the room was just as messy as my half and who has probably watched every Hallmark movie ever made. They have become some of my very best friends and I am so lucky to have met them all.

12/19/17

I'm not going to lie, this semester has been a downward spiral. I am getting D's and C's in over half my classes and I haven't gotten above a C+ on any of the tests I've taken. It's okay though, because sometimes things go wrong and not at all how you had planned and you just have to take it in stride.

I feel as if I am teetering along the lines of blaming my mental illness versus blaming myself versus blaming the side effects of my medications. It's hard to see where my depression ends and where I begin. I think, aside from financial reasons, that is one of the main reasons that I am taking off this semester before my mission. I need some time off to focus on fixing myself and that is okay.

Basically a lot of things have gone off track from how I had planned my life to go. I think that happens to everyone and I just want to remind everyone that it is 100% okay to change your plans, even if it feels like it may be halting your progress to getting where you want to go. Take care of yourself first and foremost, and then you will be in a position where you can take care of everything else.

Good news though: your girl finished all her finals! She didn't do so hot on all of them but she did her best with what she had and that is good enough for now.

12/18/17

I had to take a final today in a class whose midterm test I bombed. I got a 60% on it so that sucked. And then I ordered chicken nuggets but the girl put in a chicken sandwich and by the time I sat down to eat I had walked to an entirely different building. So I'm already not feeling great and then this stupid sandwich has pickles on it and I can't stand pickles and so I start crying on this random bench in the Kennedy Center. I guess I'm saying this because I think it's important to share the crappy things too. It's important to recognize that everybody goes through crap one way or another and it's okay to cry over pickles in a sandwich that was supposed to be chicken nuggets.

12/16/17

On the verge of flipping off every person who even makes eye contact with me. But I don't flip people off because I try to be a good person and I just need to go to the temple.

Finals are the absolute worst. And I haven't even taken one yet.

12/14/17

Last day of classes! It would be more exciting if it didn't mean that the impending doom of finals is now upon us.

Cats fitting themselves into tiny spaces are one of my reasons for living.

12/13/17

Today I was eating lunch in the Wilk and a group of girls complimented my hair and embroidered pants and shoes and told me they loved my style. It was actually one of the sweetest things ever and made me so happy and tbh I can't stop thinking about it.

I also went over to my friend Jacob's apartment today so that we could work on a group Bio project and he and his roommate Andrew found out that my alarm in the mornings is labeled "wake up you sexy thang." So the cat's out of the bag on that now.

12/12/17

I made a video for my Writing 150 final project about the initiation into the church that we created and it makes me so happy I might cry.

12/11/17

Today was a marvelous day. Finals has been a major stressor and I got a little ray of sunshine in the form of three accidentally added chicken nuggets. It was glorious.

12/6/17

I made some macaroons and they actually turned out way hecka good on my first try and tbh I could not be prouder of myself.

Panic over finals is beginning to settle in. I can feel it.

12/5/17

Things You Run Out of Super Hecka Fast at College:

• toilet paper
• paper towels
• garbage bags
• patience
• motivation
• leisure time
• socializing time
• time in general
• ability to think of anything except classes
• money
• food that isn't made using water and a microwave
• sanity

12/4/17

We went to Temple Square for FHE today and boy oh boy was it a party. We got to take Front Runner  and a series of buses and it was so beautiful. I got to get to know some people way better whilst playing Uno and Go Fish and I am so glad that I went.

I also got to #LightTheWorld by using one of the vending machines they set up to help the needy. $5 and someone gets glasses. $75 and someone gets a goat, but sadly I cannot afford a goat.

Here is a clip of my sassy self in the floofy hat Taylor let me borrow.

12/3/17

Tbh, I would not be mad at all if Tom Holland was my first kiss. Like wow oh boy is he attractive.

We put lights on our tree today and it is mighty beautiful.

12/2/17

Last night I had a dream that it was the zombie apocalypse and I couldn't go to fight the zombies because I had to stay and run my chicken farm. All my friends went off to fight and they entrusted their dogs to me so I could keep them safe. It was actually very stressful.

Also my mom came to visit me today because I am getting so stressed out with finals coming up and worrying about financial things. She made one of my favorite dinners in little tinfoil pans so that I could have leftovers and she is just amazing. I'm really lucky to have her as my best friend.

It's uncanny how alike my mom and I actually are. Today we were talking about my little sister Megan giving the silent treatment when she's mad and at the same time we said, "She got that from Rachel." and then answered each other at the same time by saying, "Yeah." It was sort of amazing.