9/25/20

 I was technically supposed to have another Mutual date tonight with some other guy but he had to cancel cause he had a sinus infection. So now all my roommates and I call him 'sinus infection guy' which I'm sure is not a nickname he would have chosen for himself haha! I ended up hanging out with David tonight instead which honestly I was grateful for because another Mutual date sounded exhausting. 

9/24/20

 I had my first date from the Mutual app and it was... awkward. I don't know what I was expecting. It wasn't bad per se. I just wasn't really feeling it and he was a bit of an awkward dude. I tried to make a joke about my job as a TA: "Things are really slow at the beginning of the semester but then all the sudden in the middle of the semester everybody wants to be your friend!" He got real serious all the sudden as was like, "Those people don't actually want to be your friends you know. They're just using you." And I didn't really know how to respond so I was just like, "Haha yeah I guess you're right!" I feel like that interaction pretty much sums up the feel of the whole night. 

9/23/20

 I'm starting to feel more confident with calculus now. We are doing all this derivative stuff now and it's actually making some sense!

What's not making a ton of sense: this whole thing with David where we talked about being more than friends and decided to just be friends for now. Like holy cow. I am getting so many mixed signals so that's great.But also I'm okay with just being friends. It feels like a weird in between now but I'd rather have that than nothing at all.

9/22/20

 So. Boys are confusing. Also figuring out how to get over a break up or even if I'm over breaking up with Vince in the first place is difficult. I've never been through any of this before and I don't know how long it takes. Some days are good and other days are difficult and I'm still hurting. I still have his sweatshirt. And it still smells like him. And I still bury my face in it and breathe the scent of him in sometimes. I hate how much I hurt him, it's killing me. But I just keep remembering that God cares about him even more than I do and that God is watching out for him right now. I know in the end it'll all be okay, I just hope that he can see that too with everything that he's going through right now. 

My mom gave me some good advice on moving on though. If it comes naturally and you don't feel like you're forcing it in regards to flirting with someone else and whatnot, then you're good. Just let what happens happen. So I'm trying to do that. 

9/21/20

 I feel as if I may finally be starting to get in a good groove. My roommates and I will all share the living room to do homework during the day and I love that. I've switched my scripture studies to be first thing when I wake up and it has helped me get SO much more out of them. It's also helped me to do better with my morning prayers. Really I'm just trying to focus on being the best version of myself possible and to enjoy as many moments as I can. I am working to become someone who can easily say that they love life.

9/19/20

Finished week one of school. It was overwhelming to review everything I needed to for calculus and there were more times than I'd like to admit that I was on the verge of tears and thinking that maybe I couldn't actually do this. But I did it and it all worked out!

It's only been one week but I already feel such a good bond with my new roommates and I am so grateful that I switched apartments. Yesterday they invited me out to play ultimate frisbee with them and I went and had fun and tonight we all watched a rom-com together. I think a lesson that I've definitely learned is that it's not worth it to be tolerant of having people in your life that don't make you feel loved and confident.

I realized that even though I've felt a little in over my head this week, I am incredibly happy and content because I have great people and great friendships in my life.  

9/7/20

 Labor Day! We drove up to Logan and spent today with James and Brittany's family. We ended up at Old Navy because Lucy had this really cute romper on and they said they got it there on sale so we all went and Abbey, Rachel, Alicia, and I all got rompers and I'm not gonna lie, I look and feel so cute in them haha!